Fault vs. Responsibility

 OK, first, when I typed that title, it was "Fault v. Responsibility." I'm not sure I will ever fully stop thinking like a lawyer. 

Today I want to talk about the distance between something being your fault and it being your responsibility.

Here's another song* from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend that is obviously an exaggeration, but which I do think sums up current thinking about people's culpability for their mistakes. (Actually, this only applies to white people. For people of color, even other people's mistakes are deemed to be their fault.)

An example from my own recent life: back in February, I had made a rare excursion away from my house to pick up a curbside grocery order. On my way home, someone ran a red light and turned left into my path. I slammed on my brakes but couldn't get stopped in time and we collided.

The driver of the other car did not have insurance. So while the wreck was not my fault, if I wanted to be able to continue driving, I was going to have to take responsibility for getting my car fixed. 

The same is true of my struggles with food. I generally think of and talk about them in terms of addiction. I've also been diagnosed with an eating disorder. I've had this issue since I was 6 years old, and it's rooted in things that happened to me over which I definitely did not have control. So I don't think the addiction/eating disorder is my fault. But the fact that it's still wreaking havoc in my life more than 40 years later? Damn straight that's my responsibility

I used to balk at that idea. "But I can't help it!" I'd think, resenting the person who dared to suggest otherwise. But now I see the power in taking responsibility, the power in acknowledging that while I may not have created this mess, I'm very much the (only) one with the ability to clean it up. I wasted so much time resisting this because I didn't think it was fair. But neither is suffering for someone else's mistakes for 4 decades. 

*Songs from this show are likely to keep making appearances around here. And management of this blog is 100% Team Nathaniel. 

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